after nine years in the army   they took away his brain   they tattooed "defect" on his brow   and signed him up again      he killed ten thousand germans   a hundred japanese   a family of hindus   and a lot of portugese   nine plan failed      I could never see the point   of showing them you're boss   when they drag you through the city streets   and naiI you to a cross      they took him to the office   they strapped him to the bed   they fastened lots of pretty wires   securely to his head   they wheeled him down the corridor   upon a metal trolley   now he wears big spectacles   and he sings like Buddy Holly   nine plan failed      I could never see the point   of showing them you're boss   when they drag you through the city streets   and nail you to a cross      the world declared its armistice   and took away his guns   and now he satisfies himself   on piss-weak tea and buns   on piss-weak tea and buns   oh oh   at the disco   Rome is very pretty   and Rome is very grand   but the Pope lost his four fingers   when they gave this boy his hand to kiss   when they gave this boy his hand to kiss   it wasn't funny no      he wasn't very good at school   his highest grade was C   but he believed the managers   when they said:-   "you leave it all to me"   they gave him suits from Saville Row   the quality so fine   so now he sits in the desert wastes   just waiting for a sign   nine plan failed