Don't smoke, don't fight, don't light no cigarettes   Or else you'll wind up in the can   no jokes, don't write, sit tight, don't fool around   you are a guest of Uncle Sam   stand up, look right, don't slouch and stand at ease   and know no sex above the knees   When I snap, you jump into the master plan   I'll be damned   well, I'll be damned   I'll be damned   If I drink or smoke   Damned, if I steal your jokes   I'll be damned   If I go for broke   damned if I do   damned if I don't   Don't talk, don't fool, don't try to mess around   I'll make a monkey out of you   you sign your name right on the dotted line, boy   I'll be damned   I'll be damned   if I drink or smoke   damned   If I steal your joke   I'll be damned   if I go for broke   damned if I do   I'm damned if I don't   come on   I'll be damned   if I drink or smoke   damned   if I steal your joke   I'll be damned   if I go for broke   I'm damned if I do   I'm damned if I don't   I'll be damned   if I drink or smoke   damned   if I steal your joke   I'll be damned   If I go for broke   I'm damned if I do   I'm damned if I don't   I'll be damned   I'll be damned   I'll be damned   I'll be damned   I'll be damned   I'll be damned