Grandpa hated winter   Couldn't stand the site of snow   He got surly and bitter when   Cold winds began to blow   Snowflakes made him dizzy   He hated winter sports   And he wished ill will   On little kids   Building snow ball forts      Snow angels made him vomit   Snowmen raised his ire   He said, "They remind me of the Kaiser!"   As he stoked a melting fire   Well it rolled round to December   He always wished he'd ne'er been born   But that all changed the year   He got a high-speed luge on Christmas morn.      'Cause he was huge on the luge   When his cheeks went rouge   No fluke in a toque   Sub-zero centrifuge   Look at grandpa cruise    Like a demon on the booze   Not a stooge like Scrooge   But really huge on the luge      He made himself a luge track   He packed it down with ice   He waxed his luge most everyday   Made sure the blades would slice   Took sharp turns without slowing down   That took a lot of guts   Called himself the northern nugget   But grandma called him nuts      'Cause he was huge on the luge   When his cheeks went rouge   No fluke in a toque   Sub-zero centrifuge   Look at grandpa cruise    Like a demon on the booze   Not a stooge like Scrooge   But really huge on the luge      Folks came from miles around to see   This crazy bugger race   At his Olympic octogenarian   Frost bitten feisty face   Then one day, at a time trial   He broke the speed of sound   And to this day his beloved luge and he   Still have not been found      'Cause he was huge on the luge   When his cheeks went rouge   No fluke in a toque   Sub-zero centrifuge   Look at grandpa cruise    Like a demon on the booze   Not a stooge like Scrooge   But really huge on the luge      'Cause he was huge on the luge   When his cheeks went rouge   No fluke in a toque   Sub-zero centrifuge   Look at grandpa cruise    Like a demon on the booze   Not a stooge like Scrooge   But really huge on the luge