Once a month your girl's upset   She goes to Boots to buy Lilets   It happens every 28 days,   When she's in her Luteal phase.   All she does in moan and nag,   You go five days without a shag   There's no cunnilingus   You can only use your fingers   When she's using a menstrual rag.      For the week or two proceeding   The days your other half is bleeding,   The moody bitch is in a stress   Complaining about PMS and,   When her womb has started sluffin,   You won't be eatin any muffin,   Two, four, six, eight,   Come on girls, lets menstruate.      Heavy flow or gentle spotting,   Running down her legs or clotting   All that lining that she sheds leaves   Nasty patches on your bedsheets.   Just don't waste your efforts pleading   You won't be shagging when she's bleeding   The Methenamic acid means you might as well be flaccid   When she's using a menstrual rag.      It's hard to be all that devoted   When she is looking fat and bloated   From all the water she's retaining,   While her pants have nasty staining.   You won't be doing any groping   When she's losing haemoglobin,   Two, four, six, eight,   Come on girls, lets menstruate.      Get those Bodyforms with wings,   and grab your Tampax by the strings,   and TENA lady's sanitary pads,   come on boys you've seen the ads.   This dance is sweeping through the nation,   Here's three cheers for menstruation,   Its the latest craze   Every 28 days   They're all using a menstrual,   Using a menstrual rag.