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I am a gamblerI am Fortune's sonI am the first mate of the NCC-1701DWell I had an encounter at Farpoint StationWith a little touch of constipationWhile I was waiting to come aboard and meet my crewBut when the captain arrived I got this feeling insideThat there was something that I needed to doAnd it's trueThat when I got to my quarters there was something missingI didn't have a pot to piss inBut I was too proud to ask an ensign where to goAnd so I flashed with a smile and held it in for awhileAnd tried not to let it showBut you knowCHORUS:I asked the ship's computerI checked the technical guideBut there are no bathrooms on the EnterpriseI've been here seven daysAnd I can't wait anymorePretty soon I'm gonna boldly go where no one's ever gone beforeI can't sit down, I'm in some conditionHow'd Kirk survive on a five year mission?This new assignment is getting harder to endureCause I ain't feeling so great and I'm putting on lots of weightI couldn't make it through a three hour tourThat's for sureAnd now I've gained twenty pounds and I grew a beardHow could I shave without a bathroom mirror?If I don't get some relief I'm gonna split my skinCause I'm as round as a globe and if I don't launch a probeSoon I'll weigh enough to be my own twinMy transporter twinCHORUS
I am a gamblerI am Fortune's sonI am the first mate of the NCC-1701DWell I had an encounter at Farpoint StationWith a little touch of constipationWhile I was waiting to come aboard and meet my crewBut when the captain arrived I got this feeling insideThat there was something that I needed to doAnd it's trueThat when I got to my quarters there was something missingI didn't have a pot to piss inBut I was too proud to ask an ensign where to goAnd so I flashed with a smile and held it in for awhileAnd tried not to let it showBut you knowCHORUS:I asked the ship's computerI checked the technical guideBut there are no bathrooms on the EnterpriseI've been here seven daysAnd I can't wait anymorePretty soon I'm gonna boldly go where no one's ever gone beforeI can't sit down, I'm in some conditionHow'd Kirk survive on a five year mission?This new assignment is getting harder to endureCause I ain't feeling so great and I'm putting on lots of weightI couldn't make it through a three hour tourThat's for sureAnd now I've gained twenty pounds and I grew a beardHow could I shave without a bathroom mirror?If I don't get some relief I'm gonna split my skinCause I'm as round as a globe and if I don't launch a probeSoon I'll weigh enough to be my own twinMy transporter twinCHORUS