Tell us once again this morning   Old friend how did you win the war   Everybody loves a hero   It don't matter if they've heard the tale before      And tell us of the time   When almost everybody knew you were a star   And how intelligent you are   Prove that you're alive Mr. Shuck and Jive      You can tell us of the man   Who stole your fortune and nearly ruined your life   Or better still, the one about the TV   And the couch and your best friend's wife      Tell us of grand projects never finished   With somebody else to blame   And all the reasons that your fame   Just never did arrive, Mr. Shuck and Jive      If you can get yourself together   Kindly write a criticism of this song   How it's exquisitely constructed   And yet mechanical and somehow slightly wrong      And you can put it in your book   About the enemy you never even met   You know you just might make it yet   But somehow you'll survive Mr. Shuck and Jive