I met with Napper Tandy   And I shook him by the hand   He said, "Hold me up for Chrissake   For I can hardly stand"      The most disgraceful journey   On which I've ever been   The last time that I traveled on   The Boat Train      I had a couple of drinks in town   A few more at the port   I puked up on the gangway   But some kind folks helped me board      They helped me to a table   Poured whiskey down my throat   They sat me at a table   And I lost my watch and coat      First we drank some whiskey   Then we drank some gin   Then we drank tequila   I think that's what did me in      Then we drank some brandy   And the women had a dance   The steward then announced   That we could play the game of 'Chance'      We crowded round the table   With our money in our hands   I ended up on the other side   Without a penny in my pants      I woke up in the toilet   When we got to Holy head   The doors were all a-banging   And I wished that I was dead      We got on board the train   And then we had a drink or two   Started playing poker   But the booze ran out at Crewe   Some people started sleeping   Others looked for duty free      Some bastard started singing   "The little cottage by the Lee"   He then sang, 'Paper Roses'   'Boolavogue', 'Eileen Aru'   Somebody started slagging off   The Pakis and the Jews      First I found some whiskey   Then I found some gin   I sat down in the corner   And I read the Daily News      First I drank the whiskey   Then I drank the gin   I tried to make the toilet   And I broke my fuckin' shin      Next thing that I knew   I was in London in the rain   Staggering up the platform   Off the Boat Train