Dorothy was a waitress on the promenade   She worked the night shift   Dishwater, blonde, tall an' fine   She got a lotta tips      Well, earlier I'd been talkin' stuff in a violent room   Fightin' with lovers past   I needed someone with a quicker wit than mine   Dorothy was fast      Well, I ordered, "Yeah, let me get a fruit cocktail, I ain't too hungry"   Dorothy laughed   She said, "Sound like a real man to me   You kinda cute, you wanna take a bath?   Do you wanna, do you wanna? Bath"      I said, "Cool, I'm leavin' my pants on", "What you say?"   "'Cuz I'm kinda goin' with someone"   She said, "Sound like a real man to me   Mind if I turn on the radio?"      "Oh, my favorite song," she said   An' it was Joni singin'   'Help me I think I'm falling'      Ring, the phone rang an' she said   "Whoever's callin' can't be as cute as you"   Right then an' there I knew I was through   Dorothy Parker was cool      Well, my pants where wet, they came off   But she didn't see the movie 'cuz she hadn't read the book first   Instead she pretended she was blind   An affliction brought on by a witch's curse      Dorothy made me laugh   I felt much better so I went back   To the violent room   Tell us what you did, what you did?   Let me tell you what I did      I took another bubble bath with my pants on   All the fightin' stopped   Next time I'll do it sooner   This is the ballad of Dorothy Parker      Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker   Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker   Well, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, well