Inflate you waistcoat, wind down your eyes,Tie on your best smile, check your disguise.Dryclean your old jokes, practise despair,Hide your relations under the stairs.You're invited to attend the turkey party convention;Isn't that nice?You can leave your troubles at the doorWe have ways to make you cheerAs long as you're not sick or poorA negro or a queer.We can fit you with a suit of clothesThat will make you look like us,An appointments book and a new outlookA ladder or a trussHave another cup of realityDrink and drink some more!You can own a boat, a house, a car,Or live like Howard Hughes;Come on what have you got to lose...And if you're discreet there are pleasures sweetYou can even swap your wifeIf you'11 only sign the dotted uneYou'11 be fine... Oh so fine...Thank you for joining here are your pillsThe man in the white coat wilI send you the bill.Would you like to meetOur most distinguished member... a doctor Faustus by name!Is my face on straight?Will they laugh at the gateOh I mustn' t be lateIs my face on straight?Is my face on straight?Will they let me throught the gateOh I mustn't be lateIs my face on straight... Is my face on straight...Is my face on straight?