Listen there were objects so peculiar   They were not to be believed   All around things to tantalize my brain, my brain      It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen   And as hard as I try, I can't seem to describe   Like a most improbable dream, improbable dream      But you must believe when I tell you this   It's as real as my skull and it does exist   Here let me show you      This thing is called a present   And the whole thing starts with a box   A box? Is it steel? Are there locks?   Is it filled with a pox? A pox, how delightful, a pox      If you please just a box with bright colored paper   And the whole thing's topped with a bow   Bow? Bow? But why? How ugly, what's in it? What's in it?   That's the point of the thing, not to know      It's a bat, will it bend?   It's a rat, will it break?   Perhaps it's the head that I found in the lake      Listen now you don't understand   That's not the point of Christmas land   Now pay attention we pick up an over sized sock   And hang it like this on the wall      Oh, yes, does it still have a foot? Let me see, let me look   Is it rotted and covered with gook?   Hmm, let me explain there's no foot inside, but there's candy   Or sometimes it's filled with small toys      Small toys, do they bite? Do they snap or explode in a sack   Or perhaps they just spring out and scare girls and boys?   What a splendid idea, this Christmas sounds fun   Why I fully endorse it, let's try it at once      Everyone please not so fast   There's something here that you don't quite grasp   Well, I may as well give them what they want   And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last      For the ruler of this Christmas land   Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice   At least that's what I've come to understand      And I've also heard it told that he's something to behold   Like a lobster, huge and red   And sets out to slay with his rain gear on   Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms      And on a dark cold night under full moonlight   He flies into a fog like a vulture in the sky   And they call him Sandy Claws      Well, at least they're excited though they don't understand   That special kind of feeling in Christmas land   Oh, well, oh, well