If there's a wrong way to do it   A wrong way to play it  Nobody does it like me   If there's a wrong way to do it     A right way to screw it up  Nobody does it like me   I've got a big loud mouth     I'm always talking much to free  If you go for tact and manners   Better stay away from me  If there's a wrong way to keep it cool   A right way to be a fool  Nobody does it like me   I hear a love song or ballad     I toss like a salad  Nobody tosses like me   And when my evenings get tougher     I just take two bufferin'   And drink a hot cup of tea  Last night I met an old acquaintance   At a fancy corner pub  He said: Come on, let's have some supper   So he used my credit-club  If there's a wrong way to take a guy   The worst way to make a guy  Nobody does it like me   If there's a wrong bell, I ring it     A wrong note, I sing it  Nobody does it like me   If there's a problem, I duck it     I don't solve it, I just muck it up  Nobody does it like me   As though I try to be a lady     I'm no lady, I'm a frog  And when I talk like I'm a lady   What I sound like is a frog  If there's a wrong way to get a guy   The right way to lose a guy  Nobody does it like me   Nobody does it     No, nobody does it  Nobody does it like me   Nobody does it like me   (transcribed by David and Roman )