so much that i can't say to you  my voice shakes from the hurt that i hide  ashamed of my existence  and of my petty often wounded pride  i'd like to come home to see you  and to catch your sickness by the bedside  but then you'd know how much i really need you  all the love in an instant  makes my life stop  but then my hate for you  makes my feelings altogether drop  if only i were blind to your selfish fling  and your desperate cause  and didn't press you for the details  that threaten my physical flaws  i'd like to come home to see you  and embrace your illness under soft light  but then you'd know how much i really need you  all the love in an instant  makes my life stop  but then my hate for you  makes my feelings altogether drop  so much that i can say to you  with affection that i burn inside  you're aching from the distance  avoiding strain that's running still alive  if only i could heal you in the sprinkling of the ocean side  but then you'd know how much i really love you  all the love in an instant  makes my life stop  but then my hate for you  makes my feelings altogether drop