I am the preacher, I'm on TV  God has cable and he is watching me  Tune in on Sunday mornings at then  I can save you if you just send in:  Five hundred dollars to save a single soul  It doesn't really matter if you're young or if you're old  We need all the money to fight the holy war  So if you are a sinner, well, you'd better send some more  I am the preacher's wife, I am looking fine  cause God loves me--I'm younger all the time  These diamonds and pearls, they came from above  And you will feel the love, write to us care of:  Five hundred dollars to save a single soul  It doesn't really matter if you're young or if you're old  We need all the money to buy the holy wine  So if you are a sinner, well, you'd better not waste time  I am the new age guru of the day  I can heal you with everything I say  Come to the center, buy my video  Join the family, come on, let go!  Of five hundred dollars to save a single soul  It doesn't really matter if you're young or if you're old  You need to give the money to find your inner peace  And you will reach enlightenment within eleven weeks.