I own a happy midget—I walk him in the yard    He's tethered to a leash—we don't go very far    Stumpy arms and legs—prancing by my side    He trains so hard—I promised him—one day we'd go outside       Oh, my proud little man    Summersaults and handstands    Show me those silly midget tricks    When I clap my hands—he jumps and does a flip       I tell him that it's time—he shrieks and wets the floor    When I attach his leash—he drags me to the door    We will show the people—who used to laugh at you    Just what a special midget—can be trained to do       Oh, stubby dwarven friend    My companion till the end    Runs just as fast as he can    Don't forget to flip—when I clap my hands       [Guitar solo: Martinez]       Strutting down the street—he's on his brand new leash    He tries to jump on people—I keep him out of reach    All the people ask me—why I treat him wrong    I tell them they did worse—then we sing our song       "Happy little midget, running down the street    Happy little midget, skip on stunted feet    Walk my funny midget, watch him do his tricks"       Then I clap my hands—he jumps and does a flip