Do not think it hurts me bad   It doesn't hurt me none   It does not mean anything   I'm fondling this gun   And I don't hurt that bad   And I don't miss you   I don't eat alone   Wishing I was eating with two   It's like a sad movie   They always get high ratings      In fact I feel like celebrating   I feel like celebrating      And do not think I ever thought that   This would really work   It was just sort of a casual thing   Like trying on a shirt   I don't sit home slone and stare   At your picture wishing that   You were still there   I never get lonely   In fact I'm probably masturbating      In fact I feel like celebrating   I feel like celebrating      Oh goody! oh joy!   I'm finally free   I no longer have to sit through   Your mother's casserole recipes   Oh joy! glee!   I'm finally free