We kept seeing Columbo's car around   First of all we saw it outside Burger King on Byres Road   Badly parked, about five feet away from the kerb   And at the craziest angle, as if he'd stopped there in a hurry      Then my brother saw it outside the place   Where the swimming pool and the badminton courts are   And later again I saw it parked outside the off-license   Closer to the pavement this time, and parallel too      We only ever saw the car parked   But it always seemed to be outside somewhere I liked to go   And then, when we went out for dinner on wee Karn's birthday   And we were hanging our coats up on the coat-rack      We saw Columbo's old mac already hanging there   In amongst all the expensive fur and leather and things   I had a quick look around while we were being taken to our table   To see if he was there, but I couldn't see him anywhere      But then one night   While I was sitting outside on the steps   Playing my Gameboy   I heard a car stopping on the gravel in front of me      And while I tried to decide   Which way 'round to put the L-shaped Tetras piece   That was falling, I felt someone sit down on the steps beside me   And I heard them scratching their head   And then, on the reflection on the screen, I saw that it was him      "Those really are the most fascinating little machines", he said   But I'd built up a whole high pile, which needed a single line   For down the side, and I couldn't look up in case it came      "It certainly is nice around here", Columbo said   And I heard his mac moving as he looked around   The single line I'd been waiting for didn't come though   And soon my screen was filled all the way to the top      So I put it down and asked Columbo   If someone from around here had been murdered   "Not murdered, sir, no", he said, "I don't think you could call it murder"   "Well, what are you investigating?", I asked him      "Well, sir, it's a case of counterfeit notes   Perhaps you'd call it theft, but I'm not rightly sure   It's new for me, I'll tell you that"   Then he picked up the Gameboy and stared at it, all fascinated      "Could I? Would you mind?", he said   And I showed him how to start up a game   But pretty soon the screen was full and he shook his head   "Well, well", he said      "You know, Mrs. Columbo, she's great at these sorts of things   But me, I just can't seem to get the hang of them"   And he stood up and handed it back to me   "I'm sorry to have troubled you, sir", he said      "I'll let you get back to your game   You know, this really is a lovely area"   And as he walked off down the steps   I watched until he opened the door of his car   And I went to start up another game      But then he stopped, "Oh, I'm sorry", he said   Holding one hand up in the air, with a cigar between his fingers   And looking down at the ground, "Just a little thing", he said   And he scratched the back of his head   With the hand that had been up in the air      "With something like that, sir, that little machine you have there   Would someone be able to make samples with that   From records and stuff?", I laughed and shook my head   "That's fine, sir", he said, "I was just curious"   Then he got into the car and drove away      I didn't think I'd see him again after that, but I was very wrong   I began to see his car around a lot more   Quite often outside the houses of people I knew   And not only that, but just lately he's started turning up   Wherever I might be      Asking me all kinds of crazy questions   About technology and sampling and stuff   Pretending he's trying to learn all about it   It got me quite worried for a while, but I think I'll be alright   I think I've got him foxed, I think I've been way too clever for him