The President woke and he called the Pope   The Pope climbed to heaven on a golden rope   P.S. the Lord raised Michaelangelo from the dead   So he can make a fresh painting of my head      Then I hung out with a king and a queen   And the queen put me down with her polo team   The way I scored points all around the clock   I had her daughter, the princess ridin' my jock      I knocked the freak off like a crazy retard   Then I took a little trip into a deck of cards   The diamond jack joker and the ace of spades   Was amazed at greater Cut Creator on the fade      Then I played cards with the queen of clubs   The queen of hearts with me cold fell in love   As for the queen of diamonds, she don't like men   Because you know that a diamond is a girl's best friend      The double-trouble spade was named the deuce   And the joker acted stupid, so we gave him the news   There was 52 cards, and I met everyone   That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done      Then I took a trip to the center of the earth   I was kinda scared, so E-Love went first   I met these funny little people, they called 'em skeezers   So I held on to my wallet like Ebeneezer      Tight leather pants that'll make you grunt   Two nice soft things right up front   The center of the earth ain't got no crime   Just people bodyrockin' to the LL rhyme      If you're kinda confused to what a skeezer is   It's just a girl who's on my jock 'cause I'm in showbiz   There was a whole lotta skeezers, I dogged everyone   That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done      Woke up late one afternoon   Realized I was in the world of cartoons   He-Man told me he'd beat me up   Because he thought that I looked like Donald Duck      Then I hung out with Spiderman   He told me he was gonna start a comic strip band   The Incredible Hulk was gonna play the drums   Charlie Brown grabbed the guitar and started to strum      Snoopy tried to rock on the microphone   But Tom and Jerry both said he should leave it alone   Then I hung out with Mickey Mouse   He had two freaks, so we went to his house      Mickey's freak was ugly but mine was deaf   So I knocked it off until there wasn't none left   They were cartoon characters, I met everyone   That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done      Since I'm a good friend of father time   I'm not gettin' older as I say this rhyme   I was warmin' the stove at the Alamo   Before Booth shot Lincoln I stole the show      I was down with George at the Delaware   But I wore a Kangol, not the fake white hair   Me and E-Love met Sitting Bull   We made a peace pipe, then we took a pull      Then he brought more leaves from a golden chest   You thought it was tobacco the shit was cess   There was a lotta great men, and I met everyone   That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done      11:33, I swear it's no sooner   I went inside my TV, I met 'The Honeymooners'   Ralph wanted me to bust a couple of rhymes   But I had my eyes on Alice's behind      Norton came down right about that time   Lookin' in the fridge, so he could swine and dine   Then I said to myself, I should give 'em a taste   So I pulled the microphone out my black briefcase      Said, it ain't Bob Hope or Barry Manilow   Then I borrowed Norton's hat, cause I forgot my Kangol   Ralph said, "I got a scheme, let me get to it"   "Norton, my pal" I said, "Yo, don't even do it"   They were all Honeymooners, and I met everyone   That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done      'Cause my tongue cuts sharp, I hit a note like a harp   Or a harmonica, Veronica, I do my part   In a bedroom with leg room I'm strong like a monsoon   Chilled in Maui-Waui and I carry a harpoon      Stopped at the isle that's Mali, 'cause we got ill   Wrote my name on a rock at the top of the hill   I searched for other ways, made love in caves   And I kicked the ill beats that make the natives raise      Now I'm gonna tell you what all this means   From Farmers Boulevard in St. Albans, Queens   There's a lyrical technician who came to play   Number one b-boy LL Cool J      All of this is just a story that I made up   Def lines I say on time with Cut Creator's cuts   Some of it's fiction, and some of it's fact   Not another common rap with a heavy drum track   A whole lotta rhymes, and I wrote everyone   That story is over, and my rhyme is done