on the first day of xmas my dealer gave to me   a bag of shrooms and some lsd   we snuck into the park to steal some xmas trees   but the cops pulled up and asked us nicely to leave   we're all fucked up on smirnoff eggnogg   we crunch on candy canes and rev up all our chainsaws   you give us 30 and we'll tie it up at no extra cost   we'll take that 30 and spend it on pot   we're not too bright we flunk all of our classes   get in fights gettin drunk 'cause we're bad kids   our dads call us bastards mom's always plastered   we're the closest thing to suburban gangstas   cold air's what we breathe our vests have no sleeves   it's hard to haul trees in subzero degrees   we smell like evergreens      all I want for xmas is my two front teeth   and some mistletoe all up in this piece   maybe a girl that's free of disease    and while I'm thinking, throw in a couple of g's yeah   I want my snowmobile treads to be fixed   I want a ho who doesn't mind my snowsuit doesn't fit   I'm just a hayseed selling trees to break trees   know yer daddy hates me it's drivin ya crazay      even though my nose is runny get the honey's 'cause I'm $   but I never get laid can't find my way into long undies   I don't trip, just dip, listen to country   with my piss I write my name because I think it's funny   I'm so into this deciduous lifestyle   you see dead tree and I see a cash cow   I never bargain and I never back down   put the back seat down and I take yer ass to tree town   yer daughter's givin me the eye   so I am givin her a ride   I'll put up the tree myself and put up all the lights   as long as I get all up in her tights      all I want for xmas is my two front teeth   and some mistletoe all up in this piece   maybe a girl that's free of disease    and while I'm thinking, throw in a couple of g's yeah   I want my snowmobile treads to be fixed   I want a ho who doesn't mind my snowsuit doesn't fit   I'm just a hayseed selling trees to break trees   know yer daddy hates me it's drivin ya crazay