how long will i go on   turning my back and closing my eyes   wishing you were here but pretening you're dead   it's not so bad here in mediocraty   no one expects much of me   but i think of you and your thoughts of me   i hurt so badly but i can't leave      you kiss me when i'm sleeping   when i have no will to wake   it's will that keeps me from you   it's a change i'll have to make      will i ever be able to do the things my heart feels for you?   am i able to stop the things i do not want to do?   i want to hold the hand that guides me and loves me   but this stubborn will has its hold on me   misery is my cradle, i'm dying in my needs   will providence shine his face on me?      pick me up off this floor out of this mess i've made for myself   my flesh is weak but my spirit is willing   river's bridge of stones i'll fall water deep   your whirlpool love will hold me still   i'm safe in the cradle when i'm in your light   spirit come and make everything alright