We''ve been dating since high school we never once left this town   We use to go out on the weekends and we'd drink 'til we drowned   But now she's acting funny and I don't understand   I think that she's found her some other man      She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair   She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?   She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last   If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass      She showed me a picture all I could do was stare   At that freak in His sandals with His long pretty hair   They must think that I'm stupid or I don't have a clue   I'll bet He's a commie or ever worse yet a Jew      She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair   She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?   She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last   If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass      She's given up whiskey and ah taking up wine   While she prays for His troubles, she's forgot about mine   I'm a gonna get even, I can't handle the shame   Why last time we made love she even called out His name?      She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair   She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?   She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last   If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass      It coulda been Carlos or even Billy Ortez   But if I ever find Jesus   He's gonna wish He was dead, Amen