Sup up your beer and collect your fags   There's a row going on down near Slough   Get out your mats and pray to the West   I'll get out mine and pray for myself      Thought you were smart when you took them on   But you didn't take a peep in their artillery room   All that rugby puts hairs on your chest   What chance have you got against a tie and a crest?      Hello-hurrah   What a nice day for the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles   Hello-hurrah   I hope rain stops play for the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles      Thought you were clever when you lit the fuse   Tore down the House of Commons in your brand new shoes   Composed a revolutionary symphony   Then went to bed with a charming young thing      Hello-hurrah   Cheers then mate, it's the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles   Hello-hurrah   An extremist scrape with the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles      What a catalyst you turned out to be   Loaded the guns then you run off home for your tea   Left me standing like a guilty schoolboy      What a catalyst you turned out to be   Loaded the guns then you run off home for your tea   Left me standing like a naughty schoolboy      We came out of it, naturally the worst   Beaten and bloody, and I was sick down my shirt   We were no match for their untamed wit   Though some of the lads said they'd be back next week      Hello-hurrah   It's the price to price to pay to the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles   Hello-hurrah   I'd prefer the plague to the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles      Hello-hurrah   It's the price to pay to the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles   Hello-hurrah   I'd prefer the plague to the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles      Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles   Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles