I was sitting in a diner   With a girl named Flo   She wouldn't say yes   But she couldn't say no      She said, ?Darling, can I get a middle man??   She was engaged to a fellow   On the lay a way plan   But she carried all her money   In a coffee can      She said, ?Darling, can I get a middle man??   The cook looked over   With a short order face   Dropped a fork   And he saw Flo's legs      Straightened his apron   And burnt my eggs   I got competition   Everywhere I go   These days      She was leaning on the juke box   And was lookin' real good   Like Natalie Wood   On a Pontiac hood      I said, ?Darling, I think I need a little hand?   Ya see, I've seen my downs   I've seen my ups   I seen miniature dogs   In coffee cups      But ?Darling I ain't never seen a middle man?   Flo talked slow   Like real wet paint      She said, ?A middle man's there   When the other ones ain't   He's got a left handed manner   That leans to the right, sleeps all day   And keeps it up all night?      I got an aunt in Ohio      And a boat that won't row   Some veterans insurance   And nowhere to go   ?Darling, Can I be your middle man?      If I could get the money in that coffee can?   I could open me up a lemonade stand   Send all the kids off to Pakistan   Make flo happy   If I can      Jerry Mahoney and Johnny B. Goode   Are gonna buy me a house in Hollywood   Darling I think, I got the perfect plan   We're gonna save half a dollars   And sell 'em to France      Buy us a record   And learn how to dance   And darling, I'll always be your middle   Darling, go buy a griddle   Darling, I wanna be your middle man