Guess who's back in town?   They're gonna smash your face in and they'll kick you when you're down   Over at the caff Ian Beale starts to frown   Cos the Mitchell brothers are the hardest cockney thugs around      Sittin back watchin Eastenders in the flat   People tryin to tell me that there's something wrong with that   But I do not see what is wrong   Let me try and explain through the medium of song      Guess who's back in town?   2 bald cunts in a range rover   You'd better watch your back   Cos the Mitchells have come to take over      This shit aint nothing like Hollyoaks   Cos we're only watchin it for 2 blokes   Aint nothing worth fucking in sight   If you have a wank you're gonna give yourself a fright   With something rotten like Dot Cotton - or Pat   She's a fuckin lesbian man, she's way too fucking fat   For me or Finnie to like   Grant and Phil told her to get on her fucking bike   When she asked for an autograph, or maybe 3   Those 2 cockney bastards are the best thing on TV   So I don't care what you motherfuckers say   I'm staying in to watch the omnibus on Sunday      Guess who's back in town?   2 bald cunts in a range rover   You'd better watch your back   Cos the Mitchells have come to take over      Guess how long we've been waiting for this?   You couldn't even tempt me out if you offered me a 5-in-a-bed with Girls Aloud minus the ginger   If you don't respect my choice then I raise my middle finger      Just stand still... and look hard   Whatever happened to that fucking big dog called Wellard?   He moved away to Manchester to find himself a bitch   Rebecca Wade gave Grant a punch and now he needs a stitch      Guess who's back in town?   2 bald cunts in a range rover   You'd better watch your back   Cos the Mitchells have come to take over      I couldn't give a fuck if you're off to see the queen   Cos tonight we're gonna get a lesson in how to be mean   We'll never win the quiz cos none of us are bright   I cannot wait to see those fuckers rolling into town like the mob   Ready to start shit with anybody who's a knob to their mother or sis   If you think you're hard enough they're gonna take the piss   With a kick and a punch and a "Who the fuck are you?"   They're gonna fuck you up like Asian bird flu   I'm otherwise engaged cos Eastenders rocks   The only way I'm leaving here is in a fucking box      Guess who's back in town?   2 bald cunts in a range rover   You'd better watch your back   Cos the Mitchells have come to take over