Step right up, step right up, step right up,  Everyone's a winner, bargains galore  That's right, you too can be the proud owner  Of the quality goes in before the name goes on  One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales  You need perfume? we got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?  Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,  Something for the little lady, hmm  Three for a dollar  We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale  And a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today  Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you  They come in all colors, one size fits all  No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery  Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business  Going out of business sale  Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man  Don't settle for less  How do we do it? how do we do it? volume, volume, turn up the volume  Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate  Don't be caught with your drawers down,  Don't be caught with your drawers down  You can step right up, step right up  That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,  Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn  And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school  It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,  It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens  And it finds that slipper that's been at large  Under the chaise lounge for several weeks  And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,  It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar  And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up  'Cause it forges your signature  If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product  For complete refund of price of purchase  Step right up  Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations  You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it  Swim in it, sleep in it,  Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it  Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right  And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet  Tired of being the life of the party?  Change your shorts, change your life, change your life  Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,  And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax  Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator  See you later alligator  And it steals your car  It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking  It's a friend, and it's a companion,  And it's the only product you will ever need  Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing  Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,  Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job  And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange,  And it gives you denture breath  And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion  And it gets rid of your traveler's checks  It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned  Well it takes care of business, never needs winding,  Never needs winding, never needs winding  Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,  Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,  C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon  'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors,  It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection  It gives you an erection, it wins the election  Why put up with painful corns any longer?  It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home  We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed  How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it  We need your business, we're going out of business  We'll give you the business  Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale  Receive our free brochure, free brochure  Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included  Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,  Step right up, step right up, step right up  You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away  Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up  C'mon step right up  (Get away from me kid, you bother me...)  Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon  Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up,  C'mon and step right up