"Today boys and girls we have a special speaker in the house tonight  And he's gonna teach you about life and death"    I was born a God damn failure  Dropped outta school at mitalia  Found me a nickel and lost a dime  My whole life story came true in a rhyme  I don't know what the fuck was on my mind  I tried suicide 4 or 5 times  Tryed to take a whiff into wrist but it didn't work  And it seems I'm the only one that's gettin' hurt  Now I gotta bullet and a chain, and I'm fulla sweat  I decide to play a game of Russian Roulette  Click, click, click I guess I loose I didn't win  So I decide to do it again and again  Now it's gettin' borin' 'cause I keep on loosin'  I guess I'm kinda cruisin' for a bruisin'  Then I take a knife and put a 6 in my head  3 times then I say I wish I was dead  Blood drippin' off my forehead  And then I'm lyin' in my deathbed, but I'm not dead  I gotta headache so I'm gettin' somethin' for it see  I take some Tylenols, about 23  So what you wanna follow me  I got 13 ways to commit suicide    Who would like to hang from a tree?  "I would I would," then listen close to me  You get some sturdy rope and put it 'round your neck  Tie a real good knot, or the shit won't work  It's best to put it in a noose  Just incase you have second thoughts you can't get loose  Now we're at number 6  This a real goody no special effects or countertricks  Tie a big rock to your foot no mistakes  Then jump your ass in a deep lake  Get yourself some gas, then drink that shit  Then drink some more, then you smoke the cigarette  Or better yet, get real drunk and take a real long drive  On the freeway down the wrong side  Brother you're bound to make a hit  It's like lettin' a pitbull suck a dick  So if you wanna follow me  I got 13 ways to commit suicide    Now we're on number 11  Did you know suicidalists didn't go to heaven?  'No where they go man?" take another guess  Matter fact take another suicidal test  This is what you do man  Go jump your monkey ass off a real tall building  And then you live through that one  You get reincarnated mean you get to come back son  But I seriously doubt that  'Cause you been tryin' to kill yourself you don't care shit about that o yea i rule  All you wanna do is die  Maybe motherfuckers kill themselves but don't know why  But I know why I'm teachin' you this  "Why?" Should you have to kill yourself, you don't miss  To prevent a miss, you put a gun in your mouth  And blow your fuckin' brains out  Fuck your mommy, fuck your daddy, nobody cares  Look how they treated you over the years  What you oughta do is kill them then you  A suicidalist dream come true  So if you wanna follow me  I got 13 ways to commit suicide