"Give God the first portion of your income, say that with me,  Give God the first portion of your income. Give it first!  Not after deducts, not after the social security, and the   hospitilization, and the malnutrition. Not after all these   things on your check you say, I'm gonna give God a little what's  left. You do, and that's what you gonna get from God."    [Violent J]  Who am I? I'm not the Devil  I can take you to my level  Above the rocks, above the earth  Tell me what your soul is worth  How much money do you make?  How much will you let me take?  I will give you tranquilty  Just send your wealth and checks to me  Life is going to expire  And your soul will burn in fire  You will perish in the thunder  Unless you call my hotline number  God has asked you to make me rich  Me and my fat-whack gaudy bitch  On your T.V.'s late at night  Send those checks and I'll guide you to the light    "Don't put away your wallets just yet, brothers and sisters. There's  somebody here I'd like all of you to meet. This is little Jonathan.  Jonathan, say hello to the lovely people, (hello). Jonathan has   problems. Twisted neck, tangled legs, crooked spine, but we can heal  this boy. For just, uh, six thousand dollars, we can heal this boy!"    [Violent J]  God had called me and then stopped by  And he told me you're gonna die  Unless you buy my holy water  Check, cash, or a money order  This is true, don't question me  I'll even send you shit for free  It's only ten bucks for the call  And I'll send a prayer, no charge at all  Put your lips up to the screen  Close your eyelids and intervene  Your lips to mine, now send the cash  And while you're there, you can kiss my ass  Take your paycheck and send me half  And I'll send you God's autograph  I'll get Allah's and Buddha's too  Even Zeus, I don't give a fuck who  Just send me that money    "Would you like to healed, little Jonathan? (yes, reverand).  You see brothers and sisters, this...(beep-beep beep-beep)  Excuse me. I told you never to page me on a sermon day. Yes?  Uh-huh. Hallalujah. Outty. People, that was the lord, today only,  he will heal this boy, for just five thousand dollars!"    Pass the collection plate (show-show me how you give)  Pass the collection plate (g-give-give, how to live)  Pass the collection plate (show-show-show me how you give)  Pass the collection plate (show me how you give, I'll tell you how to live)    [Violent J]  Your total's twenty-two eleven  For your set of keys to heaven  Make the checks out in my name  Me or God, it's all the same  Bring your crippled ass to me  Pay my usher the holy fee  I'll bless your legs and bless your chair  Then wheel your bitch-ass outta here  Now a special ceremony  This part don't cost any money  Drip a drop of blessed water  Now I fertalize your daughter  Even though I fucked a hooker  Took your baby girl and shook her  You still buy everything I sell  And I'm living well  See you in Hell!    "Four-thousand, eight-hundred, nine-hundred, five thousand  Hallalujah, you did it brothers and sisters. Are you ready, Jonathan?  (yes, reverand) Lord Almighty, we've met your price, give me the   healing power, I can feel it, Lord! Roomy loomy lama noma noomy!   This boy is healed. (really?) Now to the naked eye, it would appear   that this boy has not been healed, but I can assure you, this boy's   spirit has been healed. Inside this tangled, mangled frame is a healed  little boy. His spirit is healed, Hallalujah!"