in order, for one to metamorphasize, from one's inner self being projected out into   the astral plane and to rematerialize into an inanamite object or another living   organism for that matter is entirely and absolutely impossible, however    if i was your tv i'd be like, look at me  if i was shooting star i be like shooooom (peace)  if i was a fat bitches thong i'd be like hell nah  if i was a hotties thong i'd be like ahh  if i was a cuss word i'd just be like, fuck  if i was a rock on the moon i'd be chillin like sup  if i was a butthole i'd just be an exit  if i was the DOC i'd be like "man this is bull shit"  if i was your tires on your car i'd be like (car noises)  if i was the bumper on your car i'd be like ahh fuck  if i was a balloon i'd be like (balloon losing air)  if i was Alyssia Milano i'd be fucking Joe Bruce  if i was a radio DJ i'd probably say, point 103  if i was a richie ass bitch i'd be like, um ok  if i was spin magazine i'd put a mirror on the cover and be like  fuck us and all our readers, even this mother fucker  if i was your mental stress i'd be catching up  if i was your headaches every now and then I'd be like thuuummmp  if i was your tounge i'd be hatin' your teeth i'd be like   ah why do you try to bite me every time we eat?  if i was a chair i'd be like sit here  and if i was kid rock i'd cut my feathered wolf hair  if i was your muffler i'd be like shhh quietly  if i was a price tag i'd be like you ain't buyin me  if i was a fresh DJ i'd be like (scratching record)  if i was jam master jay i'd be like(scratching record)  if i was a cheap clock radio i'd be like (radio static)  if i was barry white i'd be like what up ya'll  if i was a nipple in the cold i'd be like (spring noise)  if i was your dead uncle i'd be like  if i was a rain drop i'd just be like (rain drop)  and i had an axe and your neck i might say Chop    [Chorus]  If i was if i was but i'll never be  (if i was if i was but i'll never be)  If i was if i was but i'll never be  (if i was if i was but i'll never be)  If i was if i was boy your killing me  (if i was if i was boy your killing me)  If i was if i was but i'll never be  (If i was if i was but i'll never be)    If i was a faygo at one of our shows  i'd fly through the air into an ocean of juggalo's  if i was Andre the giant this is how i would be manly  if i was father mc i'd be like yeah what happened  if i was a mirror i'd find another mirror  and look each other dead in the eye, crystal clear  if i was a slider i'd slid out your but, i'd be floating in the toilet   looking at you like what?  if i was a pilot i'd be like air traffic control  if i was john denver i'd be like ahhhh  if i was a switch i'd be like flip me yoohoo  if i was a london cop car i'd be like (siren)  if i was chewbacca i'd get me a fresh ass fade  if i was vanilla ice i'd be like fuck yall i'm still paid  if i was a stop sign i'd just be like stop  if i was your wooden leg i'd still be giving you the hip hop    [Chorus 2x]