Well I guess it was back in '63  When eatin' my cookin'   got the better of me  So I asked this little girl   I was goin' with to be my wife    Well she said she would   so I said "I do"  But I'd have said "I wouldn't"   if I'd have just knew  how sayin' "I do" was   gonna screw up all of my life    Well the first few years   weren't all that bad   I'll never forget the   good times we had  Cause I'm reminded every month   when I send her the child support    Well it wasn't too long   till the lust all died  And I'll admit I   wasn't too surprised  the day I come home and found my   suitcase sittin' out on the porch    Well I tried to get in   but she changed the locks  Then I found this   note taped on the mailbox  that said "Goodbye, Turkey!   My attorney will be in touch" Mm-hmm    So I decided right then and there  I's a-gonna do what's right   and give her her fair share  But brother I didn't know her   share's gonna be that much    She got the gold mine   She got the gold mine  I got the shaft   I got the shaft  They split it right   down the middle  and then they give   her the better half  Well it all sounds sorta funny  but it hurts too much to laugh  She got the gold mine  I got the sha-a-aft    Now listen, you ain't   heard nothin' yet  Why, they give her the   color television set  Then they give her the house   the kids and both of the cars! See?    Well then they start talkin'   'bout child support, alimony   and the cost of the court  Didn't take me long to figure out   how far in the toilet I was!    I'm tellin' ya they   have made a mistake  'Cause it adds up to more   than this cowboy makes  Besides everything I ever   had worth takin'   they've already took  While she's livin'   like a queen on alimony  I'm workin' two shifts   eatin' baloney askin' myself   "Why didn't you just   learn how to cook?"    They give her the gold mine   She got the gold mine  They give me the shaft   I got the shaft  They said they're splittin'   it all down the middle  but she got the better half  Well it all sounds mighty funny  But it hurts too much to laugh  She got the gold mine  I got the sha-a-aft    Well, she got the gold mine   She got the gold mine  I got the shaft   I got the shaft  They split it all   down the middle  and then they give   her the better half  Well I guess it all   sounds funny, Hoo hoo hoo   ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  But it hurts too much to laugh  She got the gold mine   I got the sha-a-aft    (They ain't kiddin' me   I got the shaft)    Well I do't have to worry 'bout   totin' a billfold anymore  Hahahahaha  I let my wife tote it   I'm gonna be carryin' food stamps   You get it, Judge?   I'm on-a be¦ Just! Hahahaha  Ah it's not funny   Huh? Huh? Huh?  Contempt of court?   Whaddaya mean?  Listen, judge I's just kiddin'!    these lyrics are submitted by snowpea