Mom and Dad crashed the 401k  Just to get me where I am today  Knee deep in debauchery  Waiting in line at the keg  Get a degree  Pop a few cherries  Get a tattoo of some Greek symbology  This is what I do  To serve the truth  For the red, white, and brew    It's an American Standard  It's an American Standard  That I will pass out every night  Piss myself and pick a fight  I wish I won't  I know I might  It's an American Standard    The futon's full of a couple fools  As I'm staring at the cops in the ceiling  Marley's on the wall and I'm coming down  As I'm dreading the road that's in front of me  The chick from last night  Won't remember by name  So I can't be held to blame  I'm living in the plan  I'm a knee jerk man  Doing all I can    It's an American Standard  It's an American Standard  That I will pass out every night  Piss myself and pick a fight  It can't be wrong  It feels too right  It's an American Standard    They say these days you'll never forget  But every evening is another blur that ends in porcelain  And the vow I'll never od it again  I'm surrounded by a gaggle of friends  And all the while as I'm gogging I'm wondering why me  Then I start it all over again    It's an American Standard  It's an American Standard  That I will pass out every night  Piss myself and pick a fight  It can't be wrong  It feels too right  It's an American Standard    I'm only here to fill my parent's ambitions  So near, so far  It's a well's worth of wishing  I'm dishing out the dirt until it's piled six feet above me  Just tell me where to go and I'll get in line  I just want a little slice of the pie  A perfect life and perfect wife to serve me  Completely  Just tell me where to go and I'll get in line  I just want a little slice of the pie  A perfect life and a girl on the side to serve me  Discretely  Just tell me where to go and I'll get in line  Just tell me where to go and I'll get in line