When you fuck to forget and you drink to remember;   When the day's an inferno and night's are december;   When you're dreaming eternal, but living dismembered;   These are the signs of a carnal surrender.    When the minutes are needles slammed into your neck;   And there's nothing to die for or live to protect;   When your heartbeat's a ring tone and love becomes stress;   These are the signs of a heart attack chest.    When your losing religion and praying to god;   Ignoring decision and stumbling on  A place in your mind recognized as fascade;   These are the signs that your senses are gone.    When your bloodstream is violent, and air becomes ill;   When w a t c h I n g blood spill's a phenomenol thrill;   And your dying to injur and living to kill;   These are the signs that your losing your will.    When sleeping's proactive and waking's retractive;   And taking a beating's becoming attractive;   When going to work means becoming a captive;   These are the signs you're no longer reactive.    I'm losing my fucking mind doing this shit  The old tender touch is a fucking vice grip  The love and the lust are just fountains of hatred  And I frown on the norm but I'm doing the same shit    I hate myself worse than I hate why I hate myself  Make myself worse then I shake and I face myself  Make myself thirst then I wait and I race myself  Wake myself first then I pace and remake myself  Shame my self worth when I take and erase myself  Sleep and I wake just to fake fucking chase myself    It's fucked up how I never thought about suicide  Till I thought about how I never thought about suicide  You and I knew that it's the pain that makes the truest eye.  Talking to myself is the remaining hope to blue my sky.    God, if your there, I need answers to prayers, cause right now insanity looks like a fucking vacation