. To A Loyal Friend      Once there was a time,   when the conquest of   pain was all that I   could hope for, had   been my only aim.   Happiness or joy merely   unwords without meaning,   they were unwanted   anyway as surely out of place.   All I wanted was the   voices to be silent   a brief moment in the   dark, in loneliness and chill.   How I wished my mind   could escape the camat dungeon   that was flying silently   through space while   I lay caged and chained within.   Today my view - strangely   increased - it is beyond compare,   but nothing became easier,   I'm still struggling to be free.   A thousand different things   dare to appear before my eyes   now, they come and leave   untouched, because still I cannot see.   In true darkness there's   no choice than do discover   the uselessness of eyes,   giving birth from their own despair.   Here eyes can nothing but   decay and if I fail and do   identify myself with them   then their destiny I'll share...   You are with me all the time - all   the time. So very unreasonable   had been my fear. How could   I ever believe that I might   be losing you when forever   we're connected and you   are part of me. It's your   omnipresence that defines   the way in which I do   exist, forcefully leading   me back to where I do belong.   Opening my eyes to see   the true essence of my   being, by dissolving   the distractions of the   outer world. In the loneliness   of the pain you bring the   isolation of my soul guarantees   the maintenance of the only   thing that I know, my   natural and obvious differency.   Beloved old friend and life-time   companion without you to   nothing I would fall. Your   power pervades me and lies   me low, but as the same time   a new strenght is born in   my soul.   In a universe of change   and continuous movement   I am counting on you   since I know you shall last.   Being my darkness and   the basis of splendor   light-giving background   as most fertile past. You   trance-formation source   of understanding you are   the power that is pulling   me down. Whenever   lightness seeks to carry   me away you connect   me safely to the ground.   You chill of my winter,   eternal Saturn-sphere,   petrified and frozen   with a logic cold as ice   I walk through the   world look in surprise   at the living without   being able to share   their strange delights.   Beloved old friend, and   bringer of sadness,   shadow-like cloak almost   matters so real, you slip   right through me like   I was merely membrane,   my feelings so ambivalent   when my wounds refuse to heal...