Well he came home from the war   with a party in his head   and modified Brougham DeVille   and a pair of legs that opened up   like butterfly wings   and a mad dog that wouldn't   sit still   he went and took up with a Salvation Army   Band girl   who played dirty water   on a swordfishtrombone   he went to sleep at the bottom of   Tenkiller lake   and he said "gee, but it's   great to be home."      Well he came home from the war   with a party in his head   and an idea for a fireworks display   and he knew that he'd be ready with   a stainless steel machete   and a half a pint of Ballentine's   each day   and he holed up in room above a hardware store   cryin' nothing there but Hollywood tears   and he put a spell on some   poor little Crutchfield girl   and stayed like that for 27 years      Well he packed up all his   expectations he lit out for California   with a flyswatter banjo on his knee   with a lucky tiger in his angel hair   and benzedrine for getting there   they found him in a eucalyptus tree   lieutenant got him a canary bird   and shaked her head with every word   and Chesterfielded moonbeams in a song   and he got 20 years for lovin' her   from some Oklahoma governor   said everything this Doughboy   does is wrong      Now some say he's doing   the obituary mambo   and some say he's hanging on the wall   perhaps this yarn's the only thing   that holds this man together   some say he was never here at all      Some say they saw him down in   Birmingham, sleeping in a   boxcar going by   and if you think that you can tell a bigger tale   I swear to God you'd have to tell a lie...