What we need in the world today   Is a guide for the married man   Some simple thing that in every way   Would provide for the harried man   Help him not to worry   Assist him to relax   Help him slow his heart rate   And spare him cardiacs      Such a guide would in many ways   Turn the tide for the married man   Enable husbands to fill their days   As only the married can   Every man would praise it   It's such a splendid plan   Someday soon we shall point with pride   To the guide for the married man      By the side of the married man   'Tis the lady who shares his life   You help the bride of the married man   By removing the husband's strife   Every wife who's truthful   Who treasures married bliss   Must keep her husband youthful   What better way than this?      Each and every device we know   Must be tried for the married man   But who can question the debt he'll owe   To the guide for the married man   List things universal   From Pittsburgh to Japan   Every man can be satisfied   By the guide for the married man