Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas  On that yolly holiday  I'll go in the red like a knucklehead  Cuz I'll squander all my pay.    Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas  Shopping sure drives me berserk  On the day before, I rush in a store  Like a pure bewildered yerk.    I look at nightgowns for my wife  Those black ones trimmed in red  But I won't know her size and so  She'll get a carpet sweeper instead.    Oh I yust go nuts at Christmas  When each kid hangs up his sock  It's a time for kids to flip their lids  While their papa goes in hock.    On the night before Christmas  It's still in the house  My family is sleeping  So I'm quiet like a mouse.    I look at my watch and midnight is near  I think I'll sneak off for a cold glass of beer  Down at the corner the crowd is so merry  I end up by drinking about 12 Tom & Yerry    I get to bed late and gee whiz how I'm sleeping  When on to my bed those darn kids they come leaping  They sit on my face and they yump on my belly  And I'm quivering all over like a bowl full of yelly.    They scream Merry Christmas, and my poor wife and me  We stumble downstairs and she lights up the tree  My head is exploding, my mouth tastes like a pickle  I step on a skate and fall on a tricycle.    Yust before Christmas dinner I relax to a point  Then relatives start swarming all over the yoint  On Christmas I hug and I kiss my wife's mother  The rest of the year we don't speak to each other.    After dinner my Aunt and my wife's Uncle Louie  Get into an argument; they're both awful screwy  Then all my wife's family say Louie is right  And my goofy relations, they yoin in the fight.  Back in the corner the radio is playing  And over the racket Gabriel Heater is saying  "Peace on earth everybody and good will toward men"  And yust at that moment someone slugs Uncle Ben.    They all run outside whooping so the neighbors will hear  Oh, I'm so glad Merry Christmas comes yust once a year.    Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas  But I still have lots of fun  Yust the same as you, I enyoy it too    Merry Christmas Everyone!