( *trumpet playing off-key notes* )  Aw man!  Put that ol' dumb horn down  Hey, Jazzy  Jazzy  Show this boy what some real music 'posed to sound like  He-he-ha!    ( *drums and horns set in* )  1-2-3-4    ( *Jazzy Jeff starts scratching* )   (Don't stop the rock)    Now that's a record!  Now that's a record!    Go Jazzy, go Jazzy, go    I want to be remembered for the songs that I sing  Not only for the humor, but for the knowledge I bring  To broaden the horizons of others is why I rap this  Enlightening minds with my lyrical tactics  In life everything ain't always what it seems  But people are enchanted by things that gleam  You know, bright fancy cars, big yachts and mansions  On the beaches of Aruba with a girlie romancin  Now I'm about to tell you a very artistic fable  More fun than when you first got cable  The moral to be learned from this story to be told  Is that everything that glitters ain't always gold    On July 11th I was sittin at home  Talkin to my girlfriend Geena on the telephone  Flippin through the newspaper checkin the news  When I saw an advertisement for a Carribean cruise  It said, 'Sunny skies and romantic nights  On an incredible ship' - and I got hype  It said it's like the _Love Boat_, baskin in the sun  Promisin fun for you and for everyone  I said, "That's dope! Baby, you're down?"  She said, "Yeah, we could leave right now!"  The very next day I put the check in the mail  And one week later we were ready to sail  The brochure said that the boat was large  But it was nothin but a broken-down barnacle barge!  And if it wasn't for my girlfriend, I wouldn'ta went  Because the captain was a cross-eyed hunchback with a limp  The cruise was paid for and the food was free  So I said what the hell and set out to sea  It didn't take long to notice something was wrong  The ship was a mess and we were the only ones on it  I didn't wanna panic, so I chilled for a while  Till the captain pulled up to what we thought was a deserted isle  We looked on to the beach and almost went bezerk  We saw 300 natives with spears and grass skirts!  The said, "Hung-a-dung-a-digi-dung-da-doa"  I said, "Hey baby, I guess that means get off the boat"  Their chief said they needed a human sacrifice  I said, "Well, just take my girl - he-he - syke"  I was jokin, but things got serious  Their leader came out and he was curious  He got in my face and his breath was the worst  I said, "Hey baby, you got some mints in your purse?"  His breath was stinkin with filthy brown teeth  And two big crusty ashy hairy feet  The worst thing, he had no toenail on his toes  And a big Teradactyl bird bone in his nose  I tried to reason with him, he wasn't with it  He said, "Tenga-shanko," that meant 'forget it'  He said, "Gunga-shang-tang-da-bong-da-boo"  That meant 'tonight we're having Fresh Prince stew'  Then I saw it - no, it's not  The big Indiana Jones people cooking pot!  I wanted to fight em, but there was no way to beat em  I thought to myself, 'Where's Tarzan when you need him?'  Just as they were contemplatin cookin us up  We had a major struck of luck, a Navy ship pulled up  The troops came off and they got us out of the pot  And I said to the chief, "Yo, I get witcha, hops!"  The guy that rescued us said, "I hate to tell you  The captain of your ship, he had just escaped from Belview  We've been following him and finally we got him  We're sorry, there's no way that you can possibly get a refund"  A thousand dollars and a weekend island drained  But a lesson well learned, so let me explain  There's a very important message that needs to be told  It's that everything that glitters ain't always gold