Well I wake up this morning I rolled out of bed   I felt like a dog who's been kicked in the head   Checked out my mail there was letter that read      Love for sale, love for sale      I picked up the phone I called everyone I could   I let my fingers do the walking through the telephone book   You can't catch a fish if you ain't got the hook      Love for sale, love for sale      Send up a signal throw me a line   Somebody explain this funny Valentine   It might not be signal but it sure ain't a crime   I'm one step from crazy and two steps behind   I called Lt. Columbo from my TV set   I've tried the Dating Game I haven't found her yet   I'm hoping that she's looking like a Penthouse Pet      Love for sale, love for sale      We've been living together 3 years,   2 hours, 20 minutes maybe four hundred beers   You can't shop for love when you're shopping at, Sears      Love for sale, love for sale      I guess I've learnt my lesson it was easy to see   My old lady she played this joke on me   I never looked where I forgot it would be      Love for sale, love for sale