I have the daily paper here, what joy to now discover   Our government has squashed a deal with Boris Yeltsin's lover   You know the one I'm talking 'bout, the country called Iran   Who annually buys a billion dollars worth of guns from the Russian clan      It seems that Yeltsin's said he'll stop exporting all those arms   Depriving certain factions of their wrath of deadly charms   And in exchange for such concessions we open up our doors   By letting him give us instead these foreign toys of war      Specifically, 7 million hand guns, it seems they're obsolete   Somehow the folks in Moscow figured out they'd rather eat   They'd rather do without the noise, without the cost, without the fuss   They'd much prefer to pack 'em up and send 'em on to us      But we'll gladly take the foreign guns, Iran would just abuse them   So we'll have seven million more, but we know how to use them   With 50 states, that makes a hundred forty thousand each   A tiny little granule on our ammunition beach      Oh, by the way, were you aware we already bring in   Large numbers of these foreign guns from many other friends?   From Austria and Canada, from Belgium and Brazil   From Germany and Italy, and each of them can kill      And if by chance some little child is shot right here at home   Don't blame those foreign guns we buy, you have to watch your own   'Cause that's what happens when the Prez is lifting trade restrictions   As long as we're too dense to grasp the obvious contradictions      But here's a thought, I'll take a shot, suppose we take a poll   And pass a law for human beings   "Stricter Dumb Control"