If I were gay    I'd see the world a different way    If I were gay    You'd look at me, but not that way       Politically, I'm incorrect    In every way    The church would like to    See me burn and call me names       Fruit, Fruit everywhere    It's in the way you shake your derriere    Fruit, Fruit all the way    So take your best friend and kiss him    Like you just don't care       Remove the she    Insert the he    The song's the same    And if you feel a little queer    Don't refrain       And lesbians    They are my friends, they are my friends    If I were lesbian    I'd want my girlfriends' friends