July has done with me what winter does to cherry trees   you picked a few before they were ready    you could not wait for the season running its course      and wiping your mouth, spitting the pit out,   you say I've never been the one you fell in love with two   and one half years ago. who was I then?      I'm afraid of losing a life I never had   and I've lost the part of myself   that knew how things are      wish I could be jagged in your apathy   I cannot shudder myself in   fold up, cold girl    wish I could hang a sign says "too jaded; do not disturb"      but the windows are open and goddamn this front door -   I cannot keep it closed   you could walk right in and ruin my theater   and walk right out again      and I'm afraid of losing a life I never had   and I've lost the part of myself   that knows how things are