She’d look beautiful in a tea towel    But she’s dressed up to the nines    She’s covered herself in make-up    But she can’t make up her mind    She’s a damsel in distress    She feels a damn fool in this dress    She lives alone    And I know how she feels    She has the mind of Sharon Stone    And the heart of Danielle Steel    Spends hours in front of the bookcase    A beast with two paperbacks in bed    She’s read them all from go to woe    And arranged them from A to Z    And you can judge a book by it’s cover    A kingdom for a horse, a condom for a lover    She lives alone    And I know how she feels    She has the mind of Sharon Stone    And the heart of Danielle Steel    I understand    She’s up in arms and down at heel    But it’s getting out of hand    She has the heart of Danielle Steel    So take off your horn-rimmed rose-coloured glasses    And shake out your shining hair again    Behind every princess, in an ill-fitting pink dress    There’s a lonely librarian