Five dollars for a whiskey   Five dollars for a whiskey   Please don't ignore me when we get to class on Monday   Okay, fakes      Ten dollars more for the door fee   Dude, this band I'd ignore in a heartbeat   So could you find it in your soul,   To maybe evaluate whether or not you want to be friends with me   Outside of a really, super-duper shitty social situation?      'Cause fake friends are better than nothing at all   And fake friends will get you nowhere, nowhere   Yeah, fake friends go better with drugs and alcohol   And fake friends are there, after all      When it comes to being myself,   I can be you, like nobody else   But if you're in the market,   Looking for somebody new   Man, I could be that, too      Because fake friends are better than nothing at all   And fake friends will get you nowhere, nowhere   Yeah, fake friends go better with drugs and alcohol   And fake friends are there, after all      "You don't have to do,   Anything that you don't want to"   "You don't have to do,   Anything that you don't want to"      Because fake friends are better than nothing at all   And fake friends will get you nowhere, nowhere   Yeah, fake friends go better with drugs and alcohol   And fake friends are there, after all