I still haven't found a girlfriend, though I've tried a lot   So can you help me please, it's tougher that I thought   The odds are pretty good   But the goods are pretty odd   Though at this point I'd take anything you've got      You see this all the time, nice girls in love with jerks   What could they be thinking? Tell me how it works   Yes I've got some problems   Well I wouldn't be the first   But the ones I haven't, mine are even worse      And even Hitler had a girlfriend that he could always call   Who'd always be there for him despite of all his faults   He was the worst guy ever, vile and depised   Even Hitler had a girlfriend so why can't I? Why can't I?      Life is full of contradictions, hard to understand   And for every happy woman there's a lonely man   Nixon had his puppy   Charles Manson had his clan   But God forbid that I get a girlfriend      Even Hitler had a girlfriend that he could call his own   To sweeten the days of bitterness and feeling all alone   I'm not as bad as Hitler but it doesn't mean a thing   Since they'd rather be with Hitler more than me, I don't see   Why they'd rather be with Hitler more that me