Every day in lunch in high school   And all of my senior year   I'd drink my Coca-Cola   With a touch of Everclear   I never had to study math   Science or history   I'd have a chemical flashback   To jog my memory      Well, my junior year I swore I loved   Sweet Miss Sherrie Ann   One night I put some Everclear   In her Dr. Pepper can   I thought it'd make her easy   But she took it pretty hard   I took her home and rang her doorbell   Left her layin' in the yard      CHORUS:   Tequila dries me out   And beer just makes me fat   Whiskey makes me nauseous   Tell me who the hell needs that   If you're thinkin' about drinkin'   Well, the answer's crystal clear   It's the invisible intoxicant   It's called Everclear      I remember my church picnic   In the spring of '89   Yeah, they had four fresh watermelons   Sliced right off the vine   When they bowed their heads   Givin' grace for the food   Hey, I pulled out my bottle   And I soaked them melons good      They never knew what hit 'em   When the potion went to work   They had grandmas doin' backflips   Grandpas lookin' up their skirts   They were singin' hallelujah   And Willie Nelson songs   Preacher said it was the best dang picnic   That the Baptists have ever thrown      CHORUS      When I'm drinkin' Everclear   I think I'm king of this whole world   I'm bigger and badder than John Wayne   And cooler than Steve Earle   Until I wake up   And I'm face down in the hall   Hey, I'm completely naked   For a reason I can't recall      Well, I'm kinda sorta thinkin'   That maybe I met a chick   'Cause there's perfume in the air   And there's lipstick on my neck   And I hope that she was pretty   And I hope that she was kind   Enough to leave my clothes somewhere   They're easy to find      CHORUS