Oh help me, please doctor I'm damaged   There's a pain where there once was a heart   It's sleepin, it's a beatin'   Can't ya please tear it out, and preserve it   Right there in that jar?      Oh help me please mama, I'm sickening   Its today that's the day of the plunge   Oh the gal I'm to marry   Is a bow-legged sow   I've been soakin up drink like a sponge      "Don't ya worry, get dressed", cried my mother   As she plied me with bourbon so sour   Pull your socks up, put your suit on   comb your long hair down,   for you will be wed in the hour      So help me, please doctor I'm damaged   There's a pain where there once was a heart   I'm sleepin, it's a beatin   Can't ya please tear it out, and preserve it   Right there in that jar?      Oh help me, please doctor I'm damaged   There's a pain where there once was a heart   It's sleepin, it's a beatin'   Can't ya please tear it out, and preserve   Right there in that jar?      I was tremblin, as I put on my jacket   It had creases as sharp as a knife   I put the ring in my pocket   But there was a note   And my heart jumped it jumped into my mouth      It read, "Darlin', I'm sorry to hurt you.   But I have no courage to speak to your face.   But I'm down in Virginia with your cousin Lou   There be no wedding today."      So help me, please doctor I'm damaged   You can put back my heart in its hole   Oh mamma, I'm cryin   Tears of relief   And my pulse is now under control