I am a hacking cough   That tickle in your throat   I'm an unmade bed in Mexico   You will catch my cough, you will catch my cold   Hey, no one needs to know   Just put me in your mouth   No snail trails have blackened   It's like it never happened   I won't be henpecked   There's still so many left to infect      I've done so many bad things   I never seem to get clean   No pecking order please   I've done too many bad things      Come get it help yourself   Come see it for yourself   We're raising glasses high, dirty as all hell   In sickness and health, in sickness and health   So would you drink after me?   I've been a good boy, I'm squeaky clean   A pretty please in the motel and it's snails without shells   In sickness and health, in sickness and health      So don't be so alarmed   You're being harvested and farmed   Every time I continue to breathe   You wipe your nose on my sleeve   Every time I don't drive off a cliff   Every time I don't chop off my lips   You'll be taken to swallowing pennies   For the apocalypse that's surely coming      Come get it, help yourself   Come see it for yourself   We're shaking rubber gloves up to the shelves in hell   In sickness and health, in sickness and health   So would you sleep where I sleep?   Here with the bed bugs and bad beliefs   I don't mean to make it seem   Like we're salmon upstream   But are you afraid of me?