They say "they never really miss you til you dead or you gone"   So on that note i'm leaving after the song   So you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay so long   At least let me tell you why i'm this way, Hold on   I was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adaness Revees   Who made love under the Siccamore tree    Which makes me   A more sicker emcee than my momma would claim   At 10 pounds when i was born i didn't give her no pain   Although through the years i gave her her fair share   I gave her her first real scare   I made up for birth when i got here   She knows my purpose wasn't purpose   I ain't perfect i care   But i feel worthless cause my shirts wasn't matchin my gear   Now i'm just scratchin the surface cause what's buried under there   Was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared   I went to school got good grades could behave when i wanted   But i had demons deep inside that would raise when confronted   Hold on      Shawn was a very shy child growing up   He was into sports   And a funny story is   At 4 he taught hisself how to ride a bike   A two wheeler at that   Isn't that special?   But, i noticed a change in him when me and my husband broke up      Now all the teachers couldn't reach me   And my momma couldn't beat me   Hard enough to match the pain of my pop not seeing me, SO   With that distain in my membrane   Got on my pimp game   Fuck the world my defense came   Then da haven introuced me to the game   Spanish José introduced me to cane   I'm a hustler now   My gear is in and i'm in the in crowd   And all the wavey light skinned girls is lovin me now   My self esteem went through the roof man i got my swag   Got a vocal from this girl when her man got bagged   Plus i hit my momma with cash from a show that i had   Supposedly knowin nobody paid Jaz wack ass   I'm getting ahead of myself, by the way, i could rap   That came second to me movin this crack   Gimme a second i swear   I will say about my rap career   Til 96 came niggas i'm here   Good-bye      Shawn use to be in the kitchen   Beating on the table and rapping   And um, the wee hours of the morning   And then i bought him a boom box   And his sisters and brothers said that he would drive them nuts   But that was my way to keep him close to me and out of trouble      Good-bye to the game all the spoils, the adreneline rush   Your blood boils you in a spot knowing cops could rush   And you in a drop your so easy to touch   No two days are alike   Except the first and fifteenth pretty much   And "trust" is a word you seldom hear from us   Hustlers we don't sleep we rest one eye up   And a drought can define a man, when the well dries up   You learn to work the water without workin, of thirst you'll die YUP   And niggas get tied up for product   And little brothers ring fingers get cut up   To show mothers they really got em   And this was the stress i live with til i decided   To try this rap shit for a livin   I Pray i'm forgiven   For every bad decision i made   Every sister i played   Cause i'm still paranoid to this day   And it's nobody fault i made the decisions i made   This is the life i chose or rather the life that chose me      If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack   Maybe you'll love me when i fade to black      If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack   Maybe you'll love me when i fade to black      If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack   Maybe you'll love me when i fade to black   If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack   Maybe you'll love me when i fade...