A elephant's life is tedious, laborious and slow   I've been an elephant all me life so I blooming well ought to know.      He never forgets a name or face ooooh!   He knows his way from place to place ooooh!   Remembers to be dutiful   And when to push and when to pull   An when he's dead the dealer calls    And buys his tusks for billiard balls ooooh!   And all because an elephant's got a perfect memory.   That wasn't the life for me!      So I'm suffering form amnesia   My mind's a perfect blank!   Now life is very much easier   Amnesia's to thank;   I'm being psychoanalysed,   I lie on a divan   And flap me ears and try to look a barmy as I can!      I'm an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac,   And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home    Till I get me memory back!      I'm suffering from Hysteria,   I nearly split me sides,   To watch the others get wearier   of giving children rides;   I've told my psychoanalyst   that I'm a sacred cow   I'd like to carry a Howdah   but I can't remember how.      I'm an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac,   And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home   Till I get me memory back!      I suffer from Schizophrenia   It comes on me in spells   Sometimes I'm King of Armenia    At others I'm Orson Welles.   I tell them I'm Napoleon   and all that sort of bunk   They never guess that all the time   I'm laughing up me trunk!      I'm an Introverted Elephocentric Hypochondriac,    And I'll stick in the Elephants' nursing home    Till I get me memory back!    Tra-tiddle-tumty-tumty tra-tiddletum!    Practising me trumpet half the night,    Tra-tiddle-tumty-tumty tra-tiddletum!    And I'll stick in the Elephants' nursing home    Till I get me memory, get me memory, get me memory back!