Good morning, dearly beloved   We are gathered here today   To watch two people we know make a big mistake   They'll stand up at the alter   And solemnly swear i do   They'll be together forever   'til they find somebody new      Her daddy's in the front row   Muttering oh no here we go again   They had a couple dates   Now she's three months late   And it's twenty buck a plate i spent, oh:      Good morning, dearly beloved   I'd like to welcome ya'll   To see the side-effects of sex and alcohol   Please bow your heads and join me   In a prayer for these two   Who'll be together forever   'til they find somebody new      The bride is a flirt and the groom is worse   As he's putting the ring on her   He's checking out the bridesmaids   Thinking that he might take   The maid of honor's honor, oh:      Welcome, dearly beloved   We are here this afternoon   To throw rice as these two   Drive down the road to ruin   With cans tied to the bumper   And a dragging muffler too   They'll be together forever   Until they find somebody new      So raise your glass and join me   Here's to the bride and groom   They'll be together forever   'til they find somebody new