I’m screwing college freshman   and desperate housewives   Could it be I’m stuck dead center between my teens and my thirties?   Envisioning how my children would look if I had ‘em with the woman in the checkout line in front of me   Maybe they’d look like my last girlfriend   19, English major, diet coke-head    Treats me more like a big brother helpin with homework   But I see her like a mother   My head on her chest, her hand on my shoulder      Me and my friends are all waiting for somethin   But we don’t know what it is    Say are you my friend? I only know one thing   But I don’t know what it is      But I was too into her   I had to get out   I needed someone my age who could talk about campaign finance reform   And the Velvet Underground   Well the truth is    I can’t stand Lou Reed   But there’s something noble about dating women you’re not attracted to right?   Or fucking men when you’re straight right?   It’s that, wow… I’m a 21st century dude   Unlike my father who pronounces Vegan “Vagan” voted for Ragan and is so old      Me and my friends are all waiting for somethin   But we don’t know what it is    Say are you my friend? I only know one thing   But I don’t know what it is   I don’t know what it is      Well the truth is    I feel age creepin’ on me real slow n quiet like   Like a freight train made of screaming babies   So me n my friendz drink like fishies to reduce the IMPACT   Self medicating through anonymous sex   And the occasional hungover moment of insight   Spoken aloud, but no one’s listening    Walkin home with a headache and smokey hair   So I checked    And my sent message is   To see who I’m, I’m in love with   And it, it turns out it’s you this week    Congratulations girl   We could get Japanese food or coffee    Dip our hands in culture   Before we put em on eachother   Man, I don’t know what love is but I wanna find out, Hey!   I don’t know, no   I wanna fall in love   But I don’t know what it is