It always happens in coffee shops    And I'm always hungover when someone wants to talk    And don't get me wrong, I like talking when it's a healthy back-and-forth exchange    But some people always wanna lecture me and try to make me change    He says 'You are a mystery, aren't you'    And considering he hasn't shut up long enough for me to string two words together    Yes that's me, Miss Mystery    And he's quiet for a time    And I think that might be a good sign    Til there's a glint in his eye and I realise he's just making more sentences in his mind    And here it comes, and there's nothing I can do    I take a sip, I take a breath    He licks his lips and he's opening his mouth, and it's:      Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    blah blah dog diggity blah      Like a steamtrain    Like an onslaught    Like a machine gun loaded with your opinions but it's incoherent ammunition and your words aren't very wounding weapons when they're inflicted on me    And I know you mean well    With your deep wells of advice    And your buckets of swelled self-righteousness    Hell, you're just trying to be nice    And you're nice, but you state your views like they are facts of life    And I hate that, and I tell you    And I brace myself for the reply, it's gonna be:      Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    blah blah dog diggity blah      He says, 'You never were much of a talker'    Well this isn't talking    This is being cornered    I'm being cornered by you    And I can't get away    From this table for two    in the corner of this bright corner café    And didn't we have this same conversation last week?    It's not that I don't like you - I just wish you wouldn't speak:      Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    blah blah dog diggity blah      I see he's made a list    Of pressing topics of discussion    Competing with the clanking coffee cup percussion    And I guess we'll start with number one    On the first A4 page    Past the setting of the sun    And the pouring of the lattes    And here it comes, it's coming and there's nothing anyone can do    I take a sip    I grip the chair    He opens his big, wet slippery mouth:       Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah    blah blah dog diggity blah